dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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