Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just found out that she named her cat after me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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