the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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