So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
