A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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