at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
