Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Non-Jews are for practice
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
