I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
