it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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