i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
