dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
