My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
