i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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