U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
