Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
