i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize