Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
