he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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