i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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