On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
