I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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