We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
