I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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