Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
