i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
