suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
