I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
