I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
