Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
