also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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