I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
