In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
