After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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