I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
