I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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