hotel room ftw
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
