Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
