She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
