the day after is always just damage control
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
