ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
