Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
