you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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