she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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