Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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