I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
