Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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