Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize