Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
