I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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