P.S. I can't hear my feet
birth control should be required to get into college
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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