is your mom at the bar?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
